Invasion Of The Body Switchers
by Mortichai
Summary: Roy, Ed, Al and a cat each switch bodies for a while. But who gets what body? And Riza gets into some trouble with some red water that makes her, not a homunculus, but superhuman all the same. Do the guys get their bodies back? EdxRiza-ish, RoyxRiza
1. The Switch

The day was unusually dark and dreary for a summer day in Central. "Gross, I hate rain." I complained. "Makes me want to throw up."

"It's not that bad, brother. I mean, at least you're inside." Al said. "I love the rain. I can actually feel it on my skin. It hasn't rained since I got my body back and the walk here was amazing." He droned on.

"Oh, I forgot about that." I said. "You go outside and enjoy the rain." _And get out of my hair…_

"Really? Sweet!" He ran out of the room with a grin spreading from ear to ear. He just barely avoided running into Mustang. "Sorry, sir!" He called over his shoulder.

Mustang turned to Edward. "What's with him?"

I shrugged. "He's excited about the rain, being in his real body and all." I explained.

"Oh, I see." He nodded. "How come you're not out there with him?" He asked, clearly unaware.

"Damn rain makes me nauseous." My stomach turned just thinking about it.

"Sometimes eating helps. Have you eaten breakfast yet?" I didn't answer. "Fullmetal, you have to eat something."

"You're not my father! Leave me the hell alone! It's none of your damn business whether I eat or not!" _Bastard should mind his own goddamn business…_

He turned and pulled something from his desk. A bag, from which he pulled out a piece of bread and some celery. "Here." He said as he handed me the slice of bread. I crossed my arms over my chest and turned away. "Fullmetal, just take the damn bread or you're going to throw up air, and that's painful."

"I don't want the fucking bread! I'm fine. I'm not gonna throw—" _Oh, shit._ I ran to the bathroom. _Goddammit, that bastard was fucking right. It hurts like hell. _My throat ached, but my stomach had stopped heaving. I slid down the wall and wrapped my arms around my knees. The tile was cool and it steadied my frazzled nerves.

"Ed?"

"You gonna say I told you so?" I turned to glare at Mustang.

"No, not yet. I won't kick a man when he's down." He held out the bread once more, but instead of refusing it, I gave in and took it eagerly.

He offered his hand. "Screw you, Colonel Bastard. I can do this myself." I scaled up the wall to help myself onto my feet, but I quickly fell again. The room began to spin. His hand was still output. "Goddammit…" I took his hand and hoisted myself up. He swung my arm around his shoulder for support. We walked pretty much three-legged down the hall to his office.

I staggered to the couch and sprawled out on it. _Ah, couch. I love you couch. _I rolled over and began to sleep.

When I woke up, I had a blanket on. "Al?" No answer. He must be outside still. It was eerily silent. I sat up. I imagined a cave where if you were to call out 'hello' it would echo forever in the dark chasm. You could literally hear a pin drop in that room. The only thing heard was my breathing and the rhythmic pattern of the gently falling rain. _Where the hell is everyone?_

The door creaked open and I jumped. It was Mustang. I sighed. He walked in with a two foot pile of papers in his arms. "Oh, you're awake."

"Yeah, where's Al?" I asked. I slid off the couch and leaned back as I stretched. I heard a pop. Oops, too far. I readjusted my shoulder and I heard another pop. It felt better, but it was going to be sore for a while.

"He, err, well… He found another cat. He's taking care of it in the infirmary. Apparently, it was limping." He grunted as he set the papers on his desk.

"Geez, Al. When you gonna learn that you can't save every stray cay?" I muttered to myself. Mustang began filling out paper work at his desk.

The door let in a sliver of light. "Is he awake?" I heard a whisper, unidentifiable by the tone.

Mustang looked up. "Yes, he's awake."

The doors burst open and I just about fell over. "Brother, look! I found a cat!" Al said excitedly. He held up the cat as if he'd struck gold.

"Great, now go put it back. We don't need a cat." I said.

His face fell. "But, brother! I—" A green flash cut him off. It came from outside, seething through the window panes. It seared my skin and I heard loud cries from everyone in the room: Al, Mustang and the cat. I could barely open my eyes enough to see where Al was. It felt like my body was on fire and it was hard to catch each breath. It felt like hot irons were piling on top of me, but my skin seemed unchanged except for the green hue from the light.

"Al!" I called. "Alphonse!"

Al was still screaming. He had scratches on his arm where the cat had clawed him. I looked at Mustang across the room and he was screaming too. I tried crawling to Al to calm him down, but I passed out before I could do so.

_Am I dreaming? I had to be. I couldn't be here again, not the gate. Did I die? No, I can't, I can't leave Al again…_

The gate opened and hundreds of tiny black hands pulled me into the eye. They started pulling my limbs off, but it was painless this time. All I could do was watch in horror as the rest of me spiraled away. "Nooo—" I couldn't even finish my scream as my mouth was taken. The only thing left was my soul. I had the general outline of me, but it was just a faint glow in the endless amounts of light around me.

A figure appeared. It was Mustang. _Why is he here?_ He started coming at me with extreme speed. He wasn't running though, it was like he was being pushed. He looked half dead. His eyes were closed and his mouth sagged. Before I knew it, he had ran right into me, but I didn't feel that either. I was so unfeeling, it was annoying. My vision blurred. I heard a laugh echo as I fell into darkness once more.

**A/N: Sorry, I know this is horrible, but I do plan to continue it. If you want me to, I mean. :\**


	2. Realization

**A/N: Sorry, my chapters will be short, but hopefully every day. And i already have it written down, it's the matter of typing it all up. **

**(Stealing tthe stry cue from GenocidalLove and I promise it will never happen again, I just really wanna use it XD)**

ON WITH EHT!

My eyes fluttered open. I was in Mustang's office. _Oh, thank God. It was all just a dream… Wait, I don't believe in God. Screw it._ I sat up from the floor. Ouch, killer headache. "Alphonse?" I gasped. My voice was deeper by at least a few octaves. I went from an alto to a bass. _Did I age? _I lifted a hand. Yep, definitely bigger, and not automail. It was weird to actually be able to feel the soft fabric of my sleeve against my arm. I studied the large hand, then looked to the sleeve. It was blue. The pants I wore matched. _A uniform?_ I stood, but wobbled, still weak from the Gate. I squinted into the dark room, lit only by the moon's rays that drifted over a pale body. _There I am!_ My body was on the other side of the room near Al, who was still collapsed on the floor. _Wait, if I'm there, then that means… _I reached up. Short hair. My eyes widened. _I… I can't be Mustang!_

"Brother?" Came a small voice. "Aaah! Why am I a _cat_? Brother, wake up! I'm a cat!" He nosed my unconscious body.

"I'm over here." I waved slightly.

"Wait, brother, you're Mustang? Then that means…" My body meowed. It had woken up. Al burst out laughing. He rolled on the floor as my body proceeded to lick its hand, _my _hand, and brush the hair in its face away.

A rumble formed in my chest. It was almost animal like. "It's _not_ funny!" I yelled. Oooo… dark, evil voice Ed. I like it. "So, Mustang's still asleep then?" Al nodded. "Well, wake him up."

"How? What do you want me to do, _lick_ him?" Al's remark got him another evil glare. He gasped inwardly.

"If that's what it takes." I said. He didn't move. "Never mind." I went over to Al's body and kicked it. "Hey, wake up!"

"Be careful! That's my body! I can't have you screwing up my face again." I laughed at what he was referring to. His ears folded back and he let out a small hiss. He was surprised at his own reaction and he shook his head. I couldn't but grin at his little kitty body.

"Hey, hey Mustang. Wake up, sleeping beauty." I nudged him with my foot. Al shot me look, but I pretended not to notice.

Mustang groaned and rolled over. "Fmime merr minuss." He mumbled. I took that as 'five more minutes' but I wasn't exactly sure.

I opened the curtains and sunlight washed over him. He shielded his eyes from the sudden brightness. He yawned and he slowly pulled his eyes open. He squinted at me, the rubbed his eyes. His eyes widened and he screamed. He noticed it was a high pitched shriek, and screamed again. His eyes darted from himself, to me, and back again. Screaming once more, he stood.

"Stop screaming, dammit! I know this is a little weird, but it'll be okay." I tried to sound reassuring, but accompanied by a laugh, it was almost taunting.

"You call _this_ okay?" He gestured to his body panting. Err, _Al's_ body. "You call being stuck in someone else's body _okay?_" Mustang was getting all squeaky like Al does when he's mad or freaking out.

Al and I suppressed a giggle. "Look Mustang, I'm not too thrilled about the whole switch up either. So, until we get our bodies back, we're going to have to get used to it."

"I wonder if the rest of the building switched bodies too." Al interrupted.

Almost on cue, Lt. Hawkeye pushed the door open and stepped in. She looked to me. "Is everything okay in here, sir? The blackout lasted a couple of hours and rolled through the entire city." She seemed to be her normal self. I guess it was just us then. But how come?

"Ye—" Mustang tried to answer. I cut him off. Riza gave him a look, but she ignored it and looked back to me.

"Oh, um, yes. I'm well aware of the blackouts and we're doing just fine. Thank you lieutenant." I replied shakily.

She nodded. "I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier, but I had to calm down a neighboring building. They were panicking, so I had to bring some calm to the order." She never moved. Not once. Just her mouth. She never sat down or leaned on the door frame as I would have. She simply stood at alert and stated what was to be said. I found this odd. As if she were uncomfortable here. Maybe she was.

"Not a problem. I'm glad you were there to help." I said. She nodded respectfully and left.

"You handled that quite well. I'm surprised actually." Mustang retorted. He smirked, though it didn't have the same effect in Al's body.

"Shut up! I saw you trying to answer. You're just lucky I answered before she suspected anything." I said.

"What? We're keeping this a secret now?" He crossed his arms.

I answered his question with a question. "We don't want scientists dissecting us, do we?" My body meowed as if in answer. Creepy.

"Did your body just…?" Mustang burst out laughing. He held his stomach and tears streamed down his face.

"That's enough!" I yelled. Mustang cleared his throat and wiped away the tears. Dark, evil voice Ed strikes again! "Now listen to me. We have to keep this on the down low. Act like nothing's wrong. It's gonna be tough, but it's the only way. Al, don't talk. Mustang, put my body in a closet or something. You'll be my sidekick. Tell me what to say and stuff. Oh, and if anyone asks about me, tell 'em I'm on a mission." I told them.

They seemed to understand, but Mustang objected. "Yeah, like anyone's gonna believe that." He scoffed. " You never go anywhere without Alphonse."

It's true. "Say that Al's here for training and I went to go investigate some underground tunnels. No locations." They nodded. Mustang proceeded to shove my body in the closet across the room. "And the cat…" Al looked scared. "Shall be my new pet."

"Woa, woa woa. Your pet as in, you Edward? Or your pet as in my pet?" Mustang asked.

I had to think about that one. "Yours as in you, Mustang. Don't you just love your new kitty?"

"No, I hate cats." Mustang urged. "I don't want it." He glared at me and stood on tip toes to reach my height. Hehe, cool.

Al looked ready to cry. _Can cats cry?_ "But then the kitty won't have a home! We can't leave it on the streets and Brother won't let me keep it! Please, sir! Just take the kitty!" He pleaded.

Mustang thought for a moment. "Ehh… Alright. But if I don't like it, I'm getting rid of it." That was his final note on the matter. Al wasn't satisfied, but he didn't say anything.

I changed the subject. "Hey, Al. You can sit on my desk." I patted a pile of papers. He hopped up and made himself comfortable.

"_MY _desk!" Mustang protested.

"Yeah, yeah. But it's mine for now." A meow came from the closet along with a _Scritch, scritch, scritch_ of my body scratching the inside of the door.


	3. A Little Fun With Alchemy

_Aw, shit._ "Do we have any sleeping pills?" I asked. Al-err… _Mustang_ nodded. He walked over to the first aid box above a shelf. He reached up and couldn't quite unlatch the buckle on the top. "Let me help you." He noticed my smirk and he frowned. He stepped out of the way and I unlatched it. _Haha! No more short jokes!_

I shuffled through the contents of the small box and found the pills. I shook out one, two for good measure. I poured the milk, nasty stuff, into a dish and cracked the pills into it. I slid the dish under the door and I heard my body begin to drink the milk. After it finished, I didn't hear a single meow after that.

"Alright." I announced. "Get to work being… Normal." Mustang and Al nodded. Al got busy sleeping after turning in circles muttering something about catnip. Mustang pulled out papers and started reading them. He scribbled his signature at the bottom of each page after skimming it. He nodded and scribbled another signature.

"Wait, shouldn't I be doing that?" I gestured to the papers.

"Heh, h'yeah. Like you could fill one of these out." He scoffed and shook his head.

"I know how to forge a signature just as good as the next guy." I shot back.

"But do you know how to locate important information without actually reading it, ensuring safety and efficiency? Suppose you signed a document stating that with your permission, there was to be a nuclear war? If you just signed it, then all hell would break loose." He explained.

I glared down at him where he sat. He glared back and I sighed in defeat. "Fine, slave, do my work!"

Al continued to sleep.

_**LINE**_

_Later…_

"Uh, sir?" Fuery walked in and saluted, just barely missing his glasses.

I looked up. "What is it Fuery?"

"Um, have you signed those documents yet? Bradley needs them." He said. He looked to Mustang who was still signing papers. "Uhh… Sir? Not that it's any of my business, but what is Alphonse signing papers?" He looked almost terrified, like the whole world was upside down and the kid was going to eat him.

"He offered to help me because… he was bored and apparently I looked tired. Which I am. Isn't that right, Alphonse?"

Mustang nodded and held out a stack of papers to Fuery. "Alright." Fuery said. "Goodbye, sir." He saluted once more and left.

"Whew, that was close." Al said. I hadn't realized he'd been awake. He arched his back as I scratched behind his ears. "Cats are lucky. They get to be lazy, pet and fed without expecting to do anything in return."

I laughed. Harder than I have in a while. It wasn't that funny, but something about it made me laugh. Like that sick, twisted humor. I just get it. Cats don't ever to seem to abide by the rules of equivalent exchange. And Al just proved that. They don't do anything, yet they get food and a place to stay. They also seem to avoid the laws of gravity too, sometimes.

Al shot me a quizzical look and I shook my head. He shrugged and jumped to the floor. He seemed to fly, but he couldn't have… Could he?

I sighed and sat on the couch. I pulled my knees to my chin and closed my eyes. I liked to sit like this. It's always so comfortable. I felt something press against my side. I reached down and pushed a hand into my pocket. I pulled out Mustang's spark gloves. _Ooo… This could be fun._

_SNAP._

A spark lit the air. Mustang eyes shot up. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" His eyes fixated on the gloves.

_SNAP._

Another spark, but this time I used my alchemy to pull oxygen atoms toward it and it created a little fire ball. It danced and swirled on the glove, then I let it dissipate.

He stood up violently and the chair nearly flew out the window. "Be careful with that! You could burn the entire building down!"

He rushed toward me and I held up my fingers. "Ah, ah ah. We don't want this place to burn, do we?" He shot me an evil look, but stopped in his tracks.

"You wouldn't." He challenged.

"Try me." I stared back with cold eyes. He returned the gaze and took a step forward.

_SNAP._

The glow that formed in front of him was enough to scare Mustang, but not to hurt him. Though, he acted as if it had actually touched him. He reached up and checked for singed eyebrows. He sighed. "Not funny!" He yelled.

"Oh, lighten up. I'm just having a little fun. Go on, try it. Make something, instead of lighting it on fire." I nodded encouragingly.

He looked at me skeptically, then shrugged. "What harm could it do?" He snapped his fingers. Nothing happened.

"No, you don't need a spark. Al's body is accustomed to the use of alchemy through clapping. He learned it after he got his body back." I explained. He looked at me like I was from another planet. I rolled my eyes. "Like this." I capped and set them down on the desk. Of course, nothing happened since Mustang's alchemy couldn't form things from other objects, only destroy.

He clapped and set his hands on the ground. With a blue flash, a spike shot up and grazed my upper arm. "Ow! Hey, watch it!" I stumbled back into the wall.

"Oh, lighten up." He mocked. "I'm just having a little fun." An evil grin spread across his face as he clapped and more spikes shot up from the floor.

The foundation must've been made of concrete because that's what was shooting at me at unbelievable speed. This bigger body was harder to move so a few of them caught me. One of then narrowly missed my stomach, but I stepped on it and launched myself in a back spin. I calculated wrong, for I was calculating for _my_ body so I ended up flat on my face.

"Are you trying to kill me?" I pushed myself up with my arms and pulled my knees under me. I ached everywhere and the paper cut like scratches stung from the sweat that had formed over my entire body. I was exhausted from all the jumping around. Now all I wanted was a warm shower.

"No. I wouldn't do that to my body. After all, if I am to return to it, it must be alive." He said matter-of-factly.

"Stop right there, Alphonse!" Lt. Hawkeye had her gun trained on Mustang, coffee spilled at her feet.


	4. The explination

_Earlier…_

Riza walked down the hall to Fuhrer Bradley's office. He had called her to talk about something, apparently, urgent. She rapped on the door. "Fuhrer Bradley, sir? You wanted to see me?"

"Oh, yes lieutenant. Please, come in." The Fuhrer said.

Thank you, sir." She opened the door cautiously and stepped inside. She saluted and stood at attention.

"Please, have a seat." She sighed a bit, and took her seat in an oversized love seat in front of Bradley's desk. She folded her hands in her lap and waited patiently for him to begin.

It didn't take him long. "I have a job for you, Lieutenant. I want you to keep an eye on Colonel Mustang. I got word that he's been acting rather strange lately." He whispered. "Make sure he's not up to anything he shouldn't be." Riza continued to wait for further instruction or a dismissal. "That'll be all, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir." She stood and saluted once more before taking her leave down the long corridor, not really knowing where she wanted to go. _He did seem a bit out of it today, almost distracted. _She needed an excuse to see him, to talk to him. Coffee!

He was always wanting coffee but was too "busy" to get off his lazy ass and get some, so he ordered his subordinates to get him the life-giving liquid, but they all said the same thing, "Get your own!" and they'd promptly yank theirs away or would roll their eyes. It almost seemed like a tradition now. He ended up going without.

_Not this time._ She thought as she took the pot from its place and poured a mug full. Smelling the bitter aroma it gave off, she sipped it. She moaned slightly and licked her lips. _Mmm… Special brew._ Each Friday the person who prepared the coffee would grind beans from Xing. The mix was called Kalowa and it tasted heavenly.

She made her way to the Colonel's office, but stopped just outside to hear the sound of crashing coming from inside. She threw open the door and was at a loss for words. Spikes surrounded the Colonel randomly about the room. He was covered in scratches from head to toe and his uniform was torn in several places. The only place seemingly unscathed was his face, neck and hands. There was a large gash up his forearm that was bleeding heavily.

She whipped out her gun and dropped the coffee she was holding. "Stop right there, Alphonse!"

_**LINE**_

"No, no, no, no! It's not what it looks like, I swear!" Mustang in Al's body pleaded. He stood, arms raised above his head, calling for peace.

"Oh really? Then what is it, hm?" She said in a mocking tone. Refusing to drop her gun, she stepped forward to further inspect the Roy's injuries. She glanced at him a few times checking for anything life-threatening. "Well?"

"No, really." I said. "We were just, uh, messing around is all. I was, um, teaching him some stuff and he, ah, got a little carried away. I could've stopped him anytime, but I was challenging myself. You know how I am. Always competitive." I saw relief on her face, but only just. And that didn't seem to sway her, though. So I tried a different approach. "No harm done. These little scratches are minor compared to others' I've had, believe me." I chuckled nervously. She stood silently, gun still trained on Mustang. "Lt. Hawkeye, drop your weapon; that's an order." I said calmly.

She gave me a pleading look and her gun lowered a bit. I stared coldly, unmoving. She sighed and her shoulders slumped. Putting her gun back into the holster, she whispered," I hope you know what you're doing."

"Me too." I said under my breath. "And Lieutenant?"

She looked… Almost hopeful. "Yes?"

"Call janitorial services to clean up this mess."

Her face fell immediately. "Yes." She turned. "Sir." She added before leaving. _Odd. I wonder what she was hoping for. A proposal?_ I laughed aloud, but I didn't know how right I really was.

I looked back to a panting Roy who was still overcome with shock and terror. He had the deer-in-headlights stare and she scared me too, to say the least. I sighed. "Hey, Mustang? Don't _ever_ do that again." He nodded, still trying to catch his breath.

I slipped past the gang of spikes around to one of the only spots they didn't touch, the couch. I sat crossed legged in front of it and leaned my head back to rest of the soft seat. Closing my eyes, I tried to relax and steady my rapid heartbeat. _What an adrenaline rush. _I thought. I felt a small mass of fur come up behind me to lick my face. "Al!" I laughed.

"What? You taste good and I'm hungry!" He said as his tummy began to grumble loudly. He whined and nudged my cheek.

"Well, I guess it is about dinner time." I replied. I stood and Al latched onto my back with his claws. "Al, you can't come with us. We can't have a talking kitty disturbing the peace."

"But—" He began.

"No 'but's mister, now let go. I'll be back with some food later." I began to pull at my little monkey and he groaned. He retracted his claws and I was able to bring him around front and scratch his neck. "You be a good kitty and we'll bring ya somethin' back nice and tasty."

"Thanks, Brother." He said. He jumped from my arms and to the couch where he made himself comfortable and drifted to sleep.

"So where do you want to go for dinner?" I asked pulling on my coat. I turned the door knob and it creaked open.

"I know this really good place down the street from here." He reached in his pocket and pulled out lint, "You buying?"

I smirked. "No you are." I reached in the coat pocket and found a twenty.

He frowned. "Whatever." He rolled his eyes and walked in front of me.

"Now you're acting your age!" I called. I heard him laugh from down the hall.

**A/N: It's been a while, hasn't it?**

**Ed: Sure has, where've you been?**

**Places… I've been busy. I've got two or three other stories to tend to and this one didn't get as many reviews as I wanted. And I was being lazy and not typing it.**

**Ed: That's self-evident.**

**Shuttup, or I'll get Al in here with his frying pan!**

**Ed: *Cringes***

**Al: Grins evilly.**


	5. Twisted

_Scritch, scritch, scritch…_

"Uh, oh. Brother's body must be awake."

"_Meeeooooow."_

"Yep, definitely awake. But, what do I do now?" Al asked himself aloud. "Maybe I could give him more pills."

_Scritch, scritch, scritch…_

Al turned to face the desk and gracefully bounded from the ground. He found the pills within their bottle atop a pile of papers. Balancing the bottle between his paws, he tried to open it. It slipped and fell to the floor, still closed. He sighed. He leaned forward and off the desk to the floor where the pills lay. He tried gnawing the bottle open, but that just gave him a toothache. He ran is tongue across his sore gums and listened.

"_Meeeooooow."_

"Stop meowing, please!" Al begged. "We can't attract attention or they'll find us!"

Footsteps echoed through the hallway. Al could hear the through the heavy doors. A jumble of whispers reaches his ears and he strains to decipher what they're saying.

"I think I heard it from here."

"No, the Colonel hates cats. Why the hell would he keep one in his office?"

"Maybe it snuck in?"

"Nonsense, the windows are sealed shut. How could it have possibly gotten in?"

"You're right. Well let's check over here, then."

Another round of footsteps erupted just outside the door, but these ones faded down the hall. "Whew! Close one."

"_Meeeooooow."_

"There it is again!" Someone shouted. The thumps from their military issue boots were over powering to any other noise within the confides of the Colonel's office. "It has to be in the Colonel's office. We've checked everywhere else!"

"Alright, get the keys."

A jingling, then a crunching sound as the key was jammed into the lock. The doors burst open and two red-faced men appeared in the doorway. They scanned the room once before their eyes landed on Alphonse. His bright fur was as plain as day and they quickly spotted him.

"There's that damn cat!" The burlier, red haired one said. His tall stature was intimidating compared the lankier blonde man standing next to him. He strode over to where Al was sitting on the floor next to the bottle of pills and scooped him up. "Would ya look at this, the cat's a druggie!"

"They're not even open. And how the hell can cats be druggies?" The blonde rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Whatever, let's just get him to the store-room where he won't cause any more trouble. You got the crate?" He said expectantly.

The blonde pulled out a cat carrier 'Fido' written across the sides of it. The inside reeked like an unmanned public bathroom. The red haired man threw Al in it and locked it with the spring loaded buttons.

"That should take care of you." He said, exiting the room with the cat carrier and the blonde in tow.

The followed the winding hall until they reached a door behind a desk that was labeled 'Store Room'. The attendant eyed the men curiously before nodding. The burly man set the crate on the floor next to the door. You'd need a key to get in, but the only one with a key was the attendant, and no one messed with her. You set her off, you're scarred for life.

Without a word the blue suited pair set off to their other duties.

_**LINE**_

_Burp._ "Oh, man. That was great. I should go there with Al sometime." I said as I paid the waitress. I gave her a tip and a warm smile. She turned red and spun on her heal with a giggle. As she was walking away, I couldn't help but think if this was what it was like for Mustang all the time.

"Yeah, I come here a lot. Though, most of the time I'm alone." He frowned and his eyebrows furrowed, as if deep in thought.

"How come?" I asked, curious. He seemed like such a ladies man, why would he be alone?

"I dunno, just am." He sighed and made his way to the door.

The waitress returned with a receipt. I looked down to my copy and noticed a phone number with the name 'Cindy' attached. She giggled again turned to wipe the table down. She did it slow in that seducing way that got me drooling. Her tiny skirt did nothing to cover anything and her cherry underwear peeked out from under it. Then it was my turn to blush. "Uh, t-thank you." I stuffed the receipt in my pocket and followed Roy out the door.

Continuing down the sidewalk, I hurried to catch up to him. When I was at his side, he glanced up and saw my red cheeks. His brow furrowed. "What's with yo—"

"Nothing." I interrupted. He let it go, thankfully, and as we approached the entrance to Central Command, a guard stood alert.

He stepped from his post and saluted. "Colonel Mustang, sir."

I waited for Roy to answer. "Oh, wait. That's me. What seems to be the problem?" I asked.

He stared at me quizzically. "Right, well we've just confiscated a cat from your office and we were just wondering how it got there."

I looked to Mustang for help, but he just shook his head. "Um, it's my… pet. And, y'see, I couldn't just leave it home alone, so I thought to bring it here."

"Pets are strictly forbidden or long hours at a time. Visits are the only exception. They cannot live here." He said robotically.

I gave him a clod stare. "Then I'd like to take him home if I can't keep him here."

The officer gulped and his voice cracked when he spoke. "This," He cleared his throat, "Way, sir." Not so high and mighty no, are you?

We followed him to a door located behind Alice's desk. She glared at us, then got up to unlock the door. When she opened it, in the center of the room laid a very pathetic looking Al in a tiny crate. As soon as I stepped close to him, this awful stench washed over me and I had to cough to clear my lungs again. "Holy shit. What the hell is that?" I leaned down to unlock the carrier and Al bounded out.

"It's the carrier, Brother. It's disgusting. And I had to sit in it for two hours. I almost passed out, it was so bad." Al whispered.

"Well, don't worry. We'll get you out of here." I pulled him up into my arms. "And I have dinner for you too."

Alice glanced over my shoulder. "Why are talking to that cat? Are you crazy?"

"He's not a cat he's my bro—"

Mustang elbowed me. "He was just very worried about him, that's all." He turned to give me that I-can't-believe-you-almost-blew-our-cover look.

A guilty smile, and sorry eyes eased that a bit.

He sighed. "Let's just get out of here."

"You said it!" Al whispered.

We exited the building at a fast pace and made our journey home. On the way, Al just about leaped out of my arms into traffic because he saw a skittering leaf. "Sorry, animalistic instincts." Was his excuse.

We arrived home without incident, and I set Al's meal down on the kitchen counter. He ate it very voraciously, as if he'd never eaten before.

_**LINE**_

"Colonel Mustang, sir?" Lt. Hawkeye opened the door to darkness. It creaked eerily and she had to squint to see even the furniture. The blinds had been drawn so the only light was coming from the hallway. "Sir? Are you still here?" She flipped the switch to turn the lights on. It lit up the room, but it did not reveal the smirking Colonel sitting at his desk as he usually would be.

She sighed and took a note from her pocket. It was a letter composed with the Colonel on mind. She simply stated that if they were to continue their business relationship together, he must suppress his true feelings for her. Though she completely disagreed with the note, it was necessary if they were to continue to be co-workers.

As she thought about this, she became overcome with anger. Why should it matter? They can be lovers if they want to! Why do anyone else's opinions matter? She unfolded the note and laid it on the desk in front of her. He grabbed a pen and drew a giant X through the entire note. Then, at the bottom, she wrote, "Screw this damn note. I love you and that's all there is to it."

The period at the end stabbed a hole through the paper and left a dent in the desk. She huffed and messily re-folded the note and laid it on the Colonel's desk. She stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

_**LINE**_

_Later in the evening…_

"Please, don't die. Don't die on me now, please. Don't die!" It had started pouring. The cloud's joined her weeping. They were mourning the death of her son. "Please… Come back. Don't die, come back!" She sobbed. "I need you, Alphonse."

Al's eyes shot open. He sighed and closed them again. "Oh, it was just a dream." He was on a bright red couch, sprawled out with one leg on the floor and his hands to his chest. Wait… Hands?

"Al, are you okay?" His brother asked calmly. Odd, his voice was almost feminine, but definitely Ed.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just another bad dream. Don't worry about it." He turned to face his brother, but what he saw was worse.

He saw his mother staring back.


	6. The Cat With All The Answers

"Al! Alphonse! Stop screaming! Wake up!" I shook all violently. He seemed to be stuck in the dream world. "Wake up Al!" I shook him harder. His eyes shot open and his screaming ceased. He looked around, and if cats could sweat, I'm sure he would be. He gasped and started crying. "Al, it was just a bad dream." I told him.

"But, but it was so real." He choked.

"I know, but it's okay now." I sat down next to him and pulled him into my lap. I began to pet him gently and he stopped shivering. The little kitty sobs stopped too.

He looked up at me with wide eyes. "It was her, Ed. It was Mom. Apparently, I had died, and she was crying. Then I woke up, sorta, only to be in another dream. I didn't know it, though. And when I opened my eyes, she was there."

I nodded in understanding. It wasn't unusual for us to have nightmares about Mom. Hell, we thought about it every day, so why shouldn't it haunt us at night too?

"What the hell is going on out here?" Mustang stepped out of the bedroom yawning and rubbing sleep out of his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Al had a bad dream." I said softly.

"Really? I thought it was a fire alarm." He glared at me then walked into the kitchen.

The house Al and I are living in is small. But there's only two people usually living in it, so it works just fine. Sure, we could buy a big, fancy mansion with the salary we live off of, but what would we do with it?

It has two bedrooms, a bathroom connecting the two, a kitchen and a living room. We have a giant front yard though, which is nice.

Last night, I slept in my bedroom. Though, it was a bit short. My body's just right for it but with Mustang's, not so much. Speaking of which, he slept in Al's room. Oh, the irony. And Al slept on some pillows on the couch.

Mustang shook some cereal into a bowl and opened the fridge. He pulled out the bottle of milk and my face scrunched up in reaction to seeing the sickly white liquid. "Spoons?" He asked.

"Top drawer." I told him.

He walked back, cereal in hand, and sat on the couch. He threw his feet up on the coffee table and began munching happily on some corn flakes. He finished off the bowl by drinking the left over milk at the bottom then set it on the table. He belched and I rolled my eyes. I stood with Al in my arms. Setting him back on the couch I said, "And what would you like for breakfast?"

"Leftovers!" I had a feeling he'd be saying this long after we had any left.

We arrived at Command without Al. He begged us to go, but after yesterday, it was too risky. So, he was to stay home alone. I can only imagine what he's doing now.

_**LINE**_

Al snored quietly among a mess of pillows strewn across the couch. He had his face buried in an extremely fuzzy pillow. A very warm pillow. That was breathing. And purring softly.

Al's eyes fluttered open and sat up to gasp inwardly. The "pillow" that he was just laying on was anything but a pillow. It was a cat. A white, fluffy cat. It continued to rest peacefully there while Al just stared at it, mouth agape. Finally, his mouth became dry and he clicked his teeth together, rubbing his tongue along the roof of his mouth to relieve the numbness.

The white cat's ear twitched and it began a long yawn followed by a full body stretch. It blinked a few times before settling its eyes on Al's kitty face. It stood and began rubbing its neck on Al's, showing affection. Alphonse backed away slowly. He hadn't known how it'd got in, but now all he wanted to do was get it out.

"Uh, y-you can't stay here. It's bad enough I'm here, but Brother will be furious if he finds you here, too." He tried to push the cat in the direction of the door with his face, but the white feline took it wrong and nuzzled against him. "Stop that! You have to leave now, kitty. You can't stay. Now go." He tried pushing again. It didn't work. His little cat body wasn't quite strong enough to make much of a difference other than prolonging the cat's stay.

You see, this cat was special. It knew. It knew Al's secret, that he was human. And it wanted to help. But Al's reluctance to oblige was not very helpful.

"Al." It whispered.

"Y-You can talk?" He shook his head dramatically and leapt for the window sill. He looked back to the cat, watching it carefully.

"And why does that come as a surprise to you? You can talk too, y'know." It giggled.

"Yes, but… That's because I'm actually human." He clarified, not breaking his gaze.

"Ah, but I know that too. I know everything." It purred softly, grinning. Well, what was close to grinning. It's hard for a cat to grin and not look disfigured.

"What's your definition of everything?" Al asked skeptically. He could tell by the voice and how it was, ahem, _acting_ earlier that it was a female cat. And by how graceful it was. Though, most cats are like that.

"I know about your attempt at human transmutation on your mother." She looked proud.

Al scoffed. "Who doesn't?"

Her face faltered and was replaced with a twisted grimace. "I know how you got this cat body. A strange green light came and burned your skin. You blacked out, and when you came to, you were in a cat body, your brother in a much taller body," she laughed, "and the older man in your body."

Al thought for a moment. He ran his hand along the top of his head, much like he would do when he was human when he was thinking hard, and he sighed. "Alright, how do you know _that? _I thought only Mustang, Brother and I knew?"

"I know many things. One of which being that, and the other being how to get your bodies back without human transmutation."

Al drew in a shaky breath, steading himself on the side of the sill. "How's that?"

"Ah, ah, ah. You have to pay a price first." She sat with her paws in front of her with her chin raised expectantly.

"And what's that?" He tilted his head.

She paused and her ear twitched. Her eyes grew wide. "Someone's coming." She whispered. "Quick, hide!" She said louder.

Al looked from left to right for a place to hide, but none seemed adequate. He settled for his room and closed the door with his noggin.

There was a rap at the door. "Colonel Mustang, sir?" She knocked again. "Roy? Hello?"

"Uh, no one's home!" Al called from the bedroom. _Just go away, just go away. _He thought.

"Alphonse, open the door. I need to talk to the Colonel." She jiggled the handle a bit and the door swung open.

Al once again cursed himself for not having thumbs to lock the door.

"Al, I—" She cut off. She looked around and saw an empty room. Her brow furrowed. "Alphonse, where are you?"

"The Colonel's at work, he'll be back later!" Al said.

"That's not what I asked, Alphonse, now where are you?" She headed for his bedroom door and placed her hand on the doorknob when Al blurted out, "I'm not decent! I uh, just stepped out of the shower. You don't want to come in here."

She took her hand away, blushing. "Perhaps I should return another time, then."

"That would be preferred, yes." He ruffled some clothes on the floor to sound like he was dressing himself.

She nodded to the door and bode farewell to Al. He responded politely and wished her luck at finding the Colonel.

After she left, he realized he was stuck in his bedroom till his brother and Mustang came back. The round doorknob seemed to mock him.

_**LINE**_

"Hm? What's this?" I glanced at a half crumpled piece of paper sitting on the mahogany desk. I noticed there was a puncture in the wood just under the letter. My brow furrowed as I examined the letter that I'd opened. Then I began to laugh hysterically, my face becoming red and streaked with tears. As I was wiping them away, I sang, "I kneeew it. Oh, yes I kneeeew it. Uh huh, uh huh huh! I knew it, knew it!" I danced in a small circle.

Roy gave me a horrified look as he entered the office with his morning cup of Joe. "What the hell are you doing? And what' wrong with your face?"

As soon as I saw him, I began laughing again, clutching my sides. "Read the note! She loves you, man! I knew it! I'm always right." I held out the letter with a grin on my face. I really just wanted to see the dramatic change on Roy's face as he read it through. And _oh boy_ was it splendid. His eyes grew wide, bigger than saucers. His mouth agape so far it made my jaw hurt to look at it. And all he could spit out was this little croaking sound.

"Eh heh. Ehh hehe…" I was still laughing. "Well, what do you th-think?" I held my hand over my mouth to keep my grin hidden.

"I… I don't know. I mean, how do respond to something like this?" He looked at me with sincerity. _The first time ever._

"_You _don't say anything. You're still in Al's body so you keep your mouth shut and like it." I said firmly. I crossed my arms over my chest to make it final.

He sat for a moment. "Maybe you could—"

"No." I cut him off. I knew what he was thinking.

"But you—"

"No." I stood without moving, glaring at Mustang, using his own trick against him. "No more on the subject." He sighed in defeat. "Well, how _do _you feel about her, Roy?"

He opened his mouth to answer but paused to look at me. "Did you just call me Roy?"

I felt warm in my cheeks. I'd been caught. "It is your name, is it not?"

"Well, yeah. But I thought you thought it was 'Colonel Bastard' or 'That Prick' or 'Fucking cow lover'. I didn't think you actually _knew_ my name." He scoffed.

I sighed. "I know your name, I just choose not to use it 'cause 'Colonel Bastard' seems more appropriate at any other given time."

"And this is different how?" He asked, dropping onto the couch.

"'Cause we are talkin' about the ladies." (A/N: I imagined Ed with a :3 face.)

Roy literally face-palmed. He looked up at me smiling and shook his head. "Right. And they're the only subject we can talk about on a first name basis."

"Yep. Because they are important. They can ruin your lives if we're not careful." I grinned.

"Your logic is so screwed. How many times have you been sent to the crazy house?" He asked.

"It was only twice! And one of them was on accident." We both laughed. Though, it was completely true. I'm just not sure if he knew that. "So, do you love her back?"

He took a sip of his coffee. "Wait, why am I talking to _you_ about this?"

I shrugged. "We're bonding." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Well, whatever. Yeah, I do. But I could never tell her that." The last part was barely above a whisper.

I sat at the desk and turned the spinny chair around to face the window overlooking the courtyard. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining, even at eight in the morning. It was a nice change of pace from the rain. The flowers finally had a chance to grow without being pummeled by oversized rain drops.

"Just tell her how you feel. It's obvious she likes you, so why not tell her? You won't get hurt, so what's with the hesitation?" I couldn't believe I was giving dating advice to a man twice my age. Not that I've ever had a girlfriend. That doesn't make me gay! It just means I haven't met the right girl yet. (A/N: Sure, Ed. Just keep telling yourself that. Whatever lets you sleep at night.)

"It's more complicated than that, Ed. You can't just tell them." He set his coffee down on the table and leaned back to rest his hands behind his head.

"Why not? She did. What, you not man enough? Riza's got more balls than you do." I said.

"She's probably got more balls than most of our soldiers—"

"Put together." I marveled.

"H'yeah. But you're right, Ed. Maybe I should just tell her." He nodded and got up for the door.

"Hey wait!" He looked back, his hand resting on the doorknob. I glanced at his shoes, and he followed my gaze. He must've noticed how close the floor was because he walked over and sat back down on the couch again. "As soon as I get my body back."

"Right. We need to find a way to do that." I remembered. "I dunno, I kind of like the new me. I'm tall, dark and handsome. All the women love me!" I flexed my biceps and they bulged through the white military-issue long sleeve shirt.

"You realize you just called _me_ sexy." He said.

"Wh—_Shit._ That's not what I meant. I just meant compared to… Aw, man. I know what you're thinking, jackass, and you better not say it." I glared at him.

"Gasp! You're a mind reader, too? Goddamn, what can't you do?" He chuckled.

"Aye," I sighed. "Don't gimme that crap. You know what I can and can't do. It's your body after all."

"Hey, you never know what your aura can do to someone else's body. You may just grow a third arm." He said mockingly.

"Son of a—"

"Am I interrupting something?" She took one look at Mustang and flipped. "Alphonse! What the—? How the—? But you were just—!" Then she made a sound like someone was choking her.

We turned to look at her and our jaws dropped to the floor in unison. Completely ignoring her question, I said, "The hell happened to you?" Today, her hair was down and in long, golden curls that fit her face perfectly. It flowed elegantly off her shoulders. Was she wearing makeup?

"What? You don't like it?" She sounded hurt. "I was going out with my friends tonight and wanted to be ready when they came to pick me up." She explained.

I snapped back to reality and I elbowed Mustang in the ribs. He wiped the drool from his mouth and nodded curtly. "You look very nice." I said. Alright, so I'll get Mustang on her good side. "It makes you look very feminine."

"Thank you, sir." She glanced around the room. "Hm? Where's Edward?"

"Business trip." Roy and I said in unison. That got us a suspicious look.

She tilted her head. "But how come Alphonse is still here?"

"I'm here for training. I've been working with Colonel Mustang." He said. He sure knew how to lie well. I'll take note of that. He stepped forward to look up at her face.

She coughed into her fist and blushed. "Ahem, I see—" She was cut off.

There was an audible _smack_ as Mustang leaned away with lipstick smeared on his mouth.

"Alphonse!" Riza gasped.

"Fuck, Roy! What the hell!" I yelled at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He had his head in his hand as he turned away from her.

"Wait, Roy? But you're Roy!" She pointed and accusing finger in my direction.

I shook my head slowly. The jig was up. No use hiding it now. I sighed. Man, it seems like I'm doing that a lot lately. "No, actually, I'm Ed. That's Roy." I jerked a thumb toward the groveling figure on the couch.

"What? What! WHAAT?" Panicked exploded across her face as she fell backward and hit her head on the desk. Roy looked up long enough to see her lifeless body crumple to the ground.

"Hehe, now to get rid of the body." I rubbed my hands together evilly and grinned like a lunatic. If looks could kill, I'd be out like a light. The glare Mustang gave me was sinister. "Aw, c'mon! I was kidding!" He didn't take the joke the way it was intended. Instead, he pulled Riza the rest of the way to the floor and pulled a pillow off the couch to lay it under her head. He sat next to her as he stroked her hair gently. And that's when I knew, he did love her. More than she knew. More than she will ever know.

**A/N: Eh? Y'like? Hm? Hm?**

**Ed: Of course not, you fool! You made me seem gay and Mustang a pussy!**

**Harsh.**

**Ed: Well... it's true. So get over it.**

**Oh, Al…**

**Ed: No. Don't. You wouldn't.**

**Watch me. Al! Get in here! We have a **_**little**_** problem.**

**Ed: Did you just call me-?**

_**THWANG!**_

**Thanks, Al.**

**Al: Anytime. *Wink***

***Blush* :3**


End file.
